You’ve heard of mindfulness but have you heard of mindful orgasms? Orgasmic meditation is a partner-based sexual practice that cultivates the female orgasm like nothing else. Find out what makes orgasmic meditation so much more than yet another sexual technique craze and learn how to do it yourself.
What Exactly is Orgasmic Meditation?
Orgasmic meditation (or “OM” as it is lovingly referred to) is a partner practice combining mindfulness, touching and sexual pleasure. For 15 minutes a woman’s clitoris is touched in a certain way by her partner with only one goal in mind – for her to let go and feel.
Nicole Daedone, founder and CEO of OneTaste, gave a famous speech on TEDxSF in 2013 describing OM as the answer to the Western woman’s hunger to connect. It was her book SlowSex which had the likes of Gwenyth Paltrow and the Kardashians endorse OM, making it a part of mainstream mental health.
Anjuli Ayer, CEO of the Institute of OM, says the practice is in fact goalless. “The intention is not to serve as foreplay or to get the participants to orgasm.”
The main purpose is to become aware of the present moment and be rooted in experiencingthe now, which happens to be pleasure. Meditation with a twist!
Why Women Need This?
For many women orgasms are a challenge thanks to thousands of years of sociocultural conditioning.
We are taught from a young age that there is much power that comes from withholding sex. Our mothers tell us that the girls who actually have sex are “easy” and unattractive.
The new generation is a little more relaxed, yes. However, recent studies indicate that a gendered orgasm gap still exists with men experiencing orgasms far more frequently than women. Hardly seems fair.
A study published by Archives of Sexual Behavior, showed that as much as 37% of women reported never climaxing during intercourse (without clitoral stimulation).
It’s difficult to imagine who nowadays wouldn’t include clitoral stimulation in their sexual repertoire, but as these figures show it is quite common. This is why orgasmic meditation is here to save the day!
Scientists Pitch In
Women not being able to orgasm has become such a problem that even science is trying to find a solution. One such innovation is an implant called Orgasmatron which is inserted into the spinal cord to directly stimulate the user via remote control.
But why go to such extreme measures when you have OM?
This is as much for the partner as it is for the woman receiving the OM. As neuroscience shows us, our dopamine-dependent limbic system is rewarded when we are deeply intimate with another. Who doesn’t like a rush of a blissful chemical cocktail running through their body? With OM it’s au natural!
On the surface, OM can be perceived as the partner “giving” the OM to the woman. However, it is, in actual fact, a mutual gratification practice.
If the partner is male, he will benefit from opening up emotionally throughout the experience. The focus is not on his pleasure or reaching any specific goal, but rather on being there for his partner. And a man who can stand strong next to his woman whilst she demonstrates her sexuality is unshakeable.
Benefits of Orgasmic Meditation Practice
The woman lets go and learns to be in the now
A more profoundconnection between the couple
A surcharge of happyhormones
Both partners become present in the moment
The door opens to superior sex and overall sexual fulfillment preventing couple’s sex life from naturally dying out
Healthbenefits associated with sexual arousal
Mentalbenefits associated with mindfulness
Who Is it For?
People of all genders, sexuality and age
Anyone craving a more profound connection with their partner and themselves
Anyone looking to improve their emotional and physical health
A step-by-step guide on how to do the orgasmic meditation
Classes exist, however, a single class can be costly, anywhere between $149-$199. This is why most people turn to YouTube and other websites for instructional videos.
Here is our very own guide on how to practice orgasmic meditation.
1. Set up the “nest”.
Pick a quiet place and a time when you won’t be interrupted.
OM is performed with the lights on so the stroker can see and also because the philosophy is that sex shouldn’t be hidden away in the shadows of your life.
Agree to leave your day behind and totally commit to one another for the next 15min.
Place cushions for the stroker to sit on and something comfortable like a yoga mat/blanket for the strokee.
2. Have your sexesories handy.
You’ll need a lube, a towel and a timer.
Set your timer to 13 minutes (the last 2 minutes will be for grounding).
3. Get into position.
The woman takes off her pants and lies down.
The stroker sits on her right by her waist. His left leg goes over and across her waist and his right leg under her knees. He rests his left elbow on his left knee.
4. First connection.
The stroker physically connects with his partner by stroking and massaging her inner thighs.
5. Lube up.
The stroker places lube on his left index finger and right thumb.
The stroker tells the woman what he is going to do before he does it, giving her a sense of feeling safe.
7. Find the spot.
The stroker places his right thumb gently into the bottom part of the vaginal opening.
With his left hand he spreads the lube from the vaginal opening (the introits) up to the clitoris.
For some finding the woman’s clitoris will be easy, others may have to reach under the clitoral hood.
With the tip of his left index finger the stroker lightly strokes the upper left quadrant of the clitoris (this part has the highest concentration of nerve endings).
The stroke is initially light and slow with an up and down motion. As the practice develops, the flow may change. The stroke should always be short – approx 1/2 inch in length.
8. Guide your partner.
The woman should communicate if she wishes the stroker to go faster or slower, harder or softer.
9. Finish off with grounding.
Once the alarm goes off spend the next 2 minutes merging back into the physical realm. This is done by the stroker changing his stroking to a downward motion. Now it is time to bring the sexual energy down and be grounded once more.
The stroker then clasps the woman’s entire vagina with both hands, left underneath the right.
He stays in this position until the woman exhales deeply.
This is a good moment for both of them to release the energy.
10. Time to finish.
The stroker carefully places the towel no lower than the vaginal opening (stay away from the anus for this one) and wipes upwards with a towel.
Some couples go onto sex, some don’t. Whatever you choose, be sure to pack up your nesting area so that the OM is not associated with sex but rather as a mindful ritual on its own.
11. Share the moment.
Connect by sharing a moment of your experience with one another.
What to expect
The woman may experience various physical sensations including an orgasm state, relaxation or an arousing buzzing (electrical) type of feeling. The stroker may or may not feel any arousal. What’s important is that the connection was cultivated.
Part of Your Wellness Regime
Perhaps one day doctors will prescribe orgasmic meditation with equal weight as yoga or mindfulness.
We all have daily rituals which we go to for self-care. For some, it’s a glass of wine, yoga practice, or Netflix. Why not add orgasmic meditation to your daily yoni yoga routine? Once you experience it, you cannot live without it. Happy oming!